All In

by luciditewriting

How could I forget the first time I perceived you— your dynamism and individuality? I was rushing to get ready in the morning, stumbling across the bedroom toward the closet and, all of sudden, there you were. The reality of you stopped me in my tracks and caused my breath to lodge in my throat. It would be several months before I would sense the corporeal reality of you, but the essence of you was there— wholly, overwhelmingly, undeniably.

In the months to follow I would receive the first palpable proof of your existence. The grainy image of you undulating wildly at twelve weeks will forever remain etched in my psyche, as will the steady swooshing of your mighty heart. Soon thereafter you would begin swirling your Lilliputian limbs ever so gracefully under our extended palms, causing your dad’s and my eyes to fill as we stared at each other and swallowed, unable to carry on a conversation for the first time since the day we met.

Your physical presence is forceful now as you maneuver yourself into a pike position or send kicks into my side at a rapid pace. It will be weeks before I hold you close to my chest and stare into your eyes. It will be years before you read this, before you are able to begin to understand what you have given me these past months. When you do, know that from the first instant I sensed your brilliance, long before I knew you physically, prior to naming you or beginning the process of preparing myself emotionally and intellectually to parent you, I loved you so fully, so completely. I was all in.